There are videos... intended to titillate the senses. Okay, so it’s porn. Well, not entirely porn. Technically, they would be categorized as fetish videos. But nothing illegal. Just a person... a fully clothed person, I might add... just all alone...

Squat cobbler. Squat cobbler. You know what squat cobbler is. Hoboken squat cobbler. Full moon moon-pie. Boston cream splat. Seriously? Simple-Simon-the-ass-man. Dutch apple ass. Am I not speaking English here?

It's when somebody sits in pie! They sit in a pie! And wiggle around. Maybe it's like that, uh... hellmann's mayonnai...

There are videos... intended to titillate the senses. Okay, so it’s porn. Well, not entirely porn. Technically, they would be categorized as fetish videos. But nothing illegal. Just a person... a fully clothed person, I might add... just all alone...

Squat cobbler. Squat cobbler. You know what squat cobbler is. Hoboken squat cobbler. Full moon moon-pie. Boston cream splat. Seriously? Simple-Simon-the-ass-man. Dutch apple ass. Am I not speaking English here?

It's when somebody sits in pie! They sit in a pie! And wiggle around. Maybe it's like that, uh... hellmann's mayonnaise. It has a different name west of the rockies. I don't know. But, uh, technically, they do a crybaby squat, so there's tears. That makes it more specialized. Not all pie sitters cry though. But I'll tell you something. Some of them are real Julianne Moore’s once they get ?the waterworks cranked up. What type of pie? I'm not a filmmaker here, all right? Apple. Banana cream. I... uh, peach.

Psh. Sure! Yeah, like I would make this up. Hey, the world is ?a rich tapestry, my friend. But trust me on this. You don't want to see it. Are you really sure about this? I mean, it’s pretty wild. Okay...