I happily discover little elves that've gotten into my candy jar and I trap them there. Now they're nothing more than the candy they're surrounded by- sweets to be savored by me. Yes. Elves are sweet. I found that out last year. I help them fully sink that in by dunking some into my wanting mouth before trapping them in the jar again.

With one in hand I walk around and tell him how much I like to play with living food when I have it, and this year I'm feeling extra naughty. I tell the elf I'm a fucking boss who gets what she wants, not Santa's bitch trying to be good year round to ... Show more