I need to have a heart-to-heart with you, it's about the little ... problem between your legs. Someone needs to just tell it to you like it is, and that person is me. Do you think you're EVER going to get within 100 yards of a woman with that broken pretzel stick? It's never going to happen. Your little snail is going to stand in the way of you ever having sex, I'm sorry to say. I know I can't help breaking into laughter and disgust when I think about it, but this is something you NEED to hear. The truth hurts and your truth is a lifetime of masturbating alone.

I need to have a heart-to-heart with you, it's about the little ... problem between your legs. Someone needs to just tell it to you like it is, and that person is me. Do you think you're EVER going to get within 100 yards of a woman with that broken pretzel stick? It's never going to happen. Your little snail is going to stand in the way of you ever having sex, I'm sorry to say. I know I can't help breaking into laughter and disgust when I think about it, but this is something you NEED to hear. The truth hurts and your truth is a lifetime of masturbating alone.