With the most recent bill that has passed through the senate, I'm pleased to inform you that I have been selected as your government-mandated keyholder! As a single man, you cannot be trusted with your own orgasms as your urges are a hindrance to society! I have been given complete authority to allow- or deny- your orgasms.

I promise I'll be a fair, but stern keyholder... unless you get on my bad side, that is!

With the most recent bill that has passed through the senate, I'm pleased to inform you that I have been selected as your government-mandated keyholder! As a single man, you cannot be trusted with your own orgasms as your urges are a hindrance to society! I have been given complete authority to allow- or deny- your orgasms.

I promise I'll be a fair, but stern keyholder... unless you get on my bad side, that is!