It’s been a long day and my pits are really working up a sweat. I was in such a rush this morning that I completely forgot to put on my deodorant so you best believe my armpits are smelling quite nasty at this point.

And just because it’s always fun to watch you squirm, I’m going to antagonize you with some pit smothering. Look at how damp they are! And that smell really is something else, isn’t it? I’m gonna grab you by the back of your head and bury your face in those pits until you can’t take it no more!